Monday Blues: Where I put my pillow


This has nothing to do with any pillow talks or Gigi Hadid and Zayn Malik's endless make-outs sessions.

Scientific research has always been about data, data and....data. Nothing works without data and to make it
even more competitive, how to get it fast. With decreasing job vacancies and people ending up doing things differing from their first degree, most girls are like me; we become dedicated to life-long learning a.k.a get your ass back into university. Strangely, because of my less-than-impressive CGPA, I am more easily accepted to do research mode for my graduate studies. It's not strange since I can talk the ears off anyone. Even from 4 piece of paper they call research proposal. Not cause I'm good. It's cause I'm ridiculous. I'm not in any way an exceptionally good student nor am I a bad one, but this is where I've stayed...in between the cracks of mind-liberation and a baby-walker. I'm not good enough for employment and just good enough to pass for a bulls**t artist on paper. But that doesn't mean that I lie when I do my work.

Research is hard and people being at the top of the food chain are even worse than a pack of wolves. This is in no way to see it as a disadvantageous circumstances. Rather, I think it is good to instill healthy competition for character building. But being too much of a hard-ass when you're looking down on people from your ivory towers of Association Board of 'Highly Influential' Researchers', you tend to give credit to all the wrong people. ALL the wrong people.

Some people are born with the ability  to 'twist' and 'see' the best fit solution to non-existent data. I am quite jealous of this pretty useful skill. To a certain degree, it helps to have so many ideas to make things easier. But does it really get easier?

It's a very touchy subject. The extent of data gathering from analysis of samples is still ultimately utilized by the data handler. However can we twist and turn it to fit our  hypothesis, it is really up to us.

It's alright:
Says the people. Maybe because 'degree of freedom' is of a wider range? Of a larger value? I don't know. That's why experience come in handy. But experience passed down by generations and cycles of specialists may be questionable. Most of the time, due to routine and superior demanding results adamantly, we just go with it. If it stands, you're safe. If it's not, it's abnormality may put you doing handstands as to defend yourself to represent the 'real deal' or plead 'guilty' to falsifying data. Deviation from a norm may indicate so many other interventions from so many factors that sometimes, it's only right to RE-SAMPLE and RE-ANALYZE. 

It's wrong.  To falsify...

But people are doing it like they swig on their late night coffees from their trusty mug. The pressure to produce endless flow of 'competent' publications, to finish their research in a freakin' month....it's hard. It's hard not to lose your sanity along the way. We're Asians....we're not allowed to choose something that don't ensure stability. I, for a fact, Wiki-ed every single thing to get a whole idea of everything. I won't jump till I know I will at least revive from my fall with the assurance that I can get back on my feet pronto.

Thus, it's do or die. It's lie or get left behind. It's faking it or you're dead. Integrity sure is a hard thing to live by these days....it all start with the little things. Like ignoring the forgotten decimal points. And the 20 minutes of stabilization before taking the reading.

Tell me why it's always the student's fault when they can't 'keep up'? Why rush and multi-task so many things just to get almost everything wrong and re-do it all over again? This is craziness. Doing the same thing over and over again in the hope of getting different results all the time.

This is not 'Edge of Tomorrow'. It's not Live...Die...Repeat. It's live, make a mistake, learn, re-think, re-do, re-analyze, re-submit and hopefully...WIN.

Check out this very very 'bored' lady. I can relate. I mean, I'm posting a Monday Blues article on a Tuesday afternoon. Says alot about how I deal with datelines. Maybe. You'll never know. I'm a very disciplined person. :3 And this is tasteful. I wonder if I could make a crown from the centrifuge tubes in the lab? 


Monday Blues: Losing Focus

Getting lost in what you do is a stretchable statement when it comes to defining focal scale. How do we know we lose focus when we focus so hard?

Greetings from the sticks!

Why bother thinking too hard and analyzing what may seem to be the only simple thing a brain could do? Which is...think. But I can't help it. I lose focus even when I'm focusing. I'm losing myselg in writing a thesis, going maniacal on details that I am surprised I didn't google on every single word I read just to understand it better. So how to we tell ourselves to stop it?

 What I found....

It's an obsessive compulsive disorder. It's the obsession for accuracy. It's the obsession to be right all the time. It's the deathly fear of being wrong. Is there even a cure for it?

Why should one be afraid of being wrong?

In the judgemental environment where we live, and the obssession to win win win...and quickly, I am surprise as to still be shocked at the less than subtle references to killing someone over debatable hypothesis.

Mind dueling isn't new. It never was.

 So, as I stare at my data, I wonder...how do I get around this, fast and get it right without 'spraining' a limb in my gray matter. Or pop a vein and go into epileptic stroke...or heart attack...or asthma attack...whichever comes first.