I had a discussion about it with my father a few months back and he gave me his thoughts over the matter. Never the one too shy on concocting conspiracy theory, we talked on such possibilities and I, as usually, am too young to understand how the world really goes.
Lately, I have been writing my review paper and things had been hectic. Trying to live like a real adult human on my own isn't easy. My father sometimes called around to ask how I was...and it's usually when I'm in the middle of reading or writing. And when he PMed me over the Facebook, I'm boarding on LRT train or struggling to scan my TouchNGo in the bus. I complained of how horribly hard it is to write and he told me to focus slowly on a basic reference and walk from there.
Years ago, approximately 14 years ago, I talked to my father over Coke and some sweet peanuts, about my tuition classes. Him being worried of how I would do in my UPSR public exam, has opted to send me to tuition classes from 8-10 pm every weekday's night. And when he picked me up, we would buy biscuits or Coke or peanuts from the supermarket and he would talk to me about his day. Mama was always busy, so, he never fail to overtake her share of advising me against procrastination and laziness.
Last Aidilfitri....we made it the second year of taking family photos ourselves. I forgot my camera and we ended up using our phones to take photos. We laughed and made silly faces. It was fun. My father told me that my make-do Raya dress was pretty and so was my mama. In fact, he thought that we all looked pretty. When we went out to visit some relatives, we girls always go up to him for 'inspection'; lipstick...check. Blusher...check. All so that we won't look like our bare knees....
I do not want to whine about how hard it is to lose someone you love so much. But, I understand why some people have to. I've been writing about the many routine things my father had been so much apart of. He had taken every single living space in our memories that without him around, it feels like he was just somewhere else at the moment. But at a split second of subconsciousness...I remember...that he was no longer around.
Bapak....thank you so much....for your love and dedication.
I don't want to say it this way cause it sounded like he'll stop loving us.
Let me rephrase.
Bapak...my hero, my best friend and most importantly, my precious father. You are so loved, so dearly missed. For these past few days, living without you felt like a surprise everytime we wake up and realize that you're no longer around. It hurts alot and we can't seem to stop crying. But He knows best and I'm glad you've escaped all this worldly worries and disappointments.
Ya Allah....please...give my father some little joy and happiness, some little safety and generosity; the very same he gave to people with his lifetime's kindness and eagerness to live life to the fullest.
May he be in Your care forevermore....
Thank you for the many condolences, generosity and prayers received from families and friends, near and far. May Allah bless each and everyone of you with the ease in life and may this be a lesson to us of how brief our life is and how much we can live for each day.
In the loving memory of
A loving father and husband,
A dedicated writer,
A faithful friend....
6/8/1949 - 4/10/2014